Pause

My idea of a perfect weekend is to wear something outrageously comfortable, lie on my bed, listen to music and gaze at the pictures on my wall, the blue sky or tree tops through the window or flip through my song diary, and then drift into daydreams. For me, a day of indolence is a day of happiness! This is how I find inspiration, then I write a post, and voila!

Don’t you remember how beautiful it was to be a child and believe in everything? I honestly believed I would one day live in a huge Vila and wear really good looking trench coat, and that I could be everything I want. I also remember vividly how I slowly stopped believing and through tears came to a bitter realisation, which hurt like a bee sting, that the future is actually very limited and that I will probably never be as carefree again as I was that summer when I was ten and my evenings were spent trying playing hide and seek; a quest in which I happily succeeded once. These are my thoughts at the moment, and there is no answer because time cannot be returned, childhood cannot be relived, and also there are many beautiful things about now; the mountains, the sunrise, the river, have not lost their charm for me after all those years.

Now we just have to wish for friends with holidays on their calendar, or a paid holiday trip, or free beer…

or maybe a comfy bed, some great movies, a coffee, a guitar and a book will do!

Learning

 I Am Slowly Growing Into The Best Version Of Myself

I am slowly learning to distribute my love instead of holding back. I am giving out more compliments. I am reaching out to more friends. I am letting I love you and I miss you become a common part of my vocabulary. I am no longer letting my fear of looking overly attached or obsessive stop me from showing kindness, because my loved ones deserve to feel valued.

I am slowly learning to pay closer attention to the little things in life. Instead of counting down the days until my next vacation and neglecting the now, I am searching for tiny things to get excited about so that I am not always looking forward to tomorrow. I am trying my best to enjoy Monday through Thursday instead of eternally waiting to reach Friday. Instead of always wishing for something that hasn’t yet come.

I am slowly learning to be more appreciative of my surroundings. I am slowly learning to stop complaining as a default. I am slowly resisting my urges to whine about how cold I am or how tired I am or how stressed I am when I want to fill a silence. I am training my brain to search for the silver lining instead. To push the negatives to the back of my mind and keep the positives at the forefront.

I am slowly learning how to deal with my emotions in a nontoxic way. Instead of reaching for my phone to send angered rants that I am going to be embarrassed about as soon as I calm down, I force myself to breathe. To relax. To consider what I am going to say before I speak. Instead of reaching for a wineglass when I want to forget about my problems, I force myself to sit with my problems. Think about them. Deal with them while sober.

I am slowly learning to take better care of my mental health instead of letting my sanity rot. I am slowly learning to speak out when I have something to say instead of remaining silent to avoid conflict. I am slowly learning that my feelings deserve to be expressed, that my emotions deserve to be felt. I am slowly learning that my thoughts matter.

I am slowly learning to treat myself the way I treat those surrounding me. I have stopped bombarding myself with insults about my appearance. I have stopped comparing myself to everyone else and feeling like I come up short. I have stopped acting like I am a burden to those who love me. I have stopped punishing myself just for existing.

I am slowly growing into the best version of myself. A version that is happy. That is confident. That loves herself and her universe. I am bound to have missteps along the way to self-fulfillment, but I am determined to treat myself better. I am serious about pursuing personal growth. I am slowly going to become a version of myself that makes me feel like I am worth it.

Hey, Hi again! Happy Diwali

I don't remember your sound. Last time we celebrated diwali was years back I guess.
I do remember how you never liked the foul smell of the crackers,
And the smog in the air mixed with the scents of our cologne,
And the dogs under our car sobbing with fear and excruciating noises.
And not eating sweets of because of your diabetes.
I do remember how much you liked staying inside the home with me,
And holding me in your arms as hard as nails.
Whereas they were out,
Burning the crackers and making us scared more.
I do remember looking at you with little innocence in my eyes, asking stupid questions, "what if this destroys the earth. Where would we both go then? "
And you pinching my small nose with your soft colossal hands,
'This will definitely destroy us, within some years. We wouldn't be able to breathe then. We'd go to Jupiter and settle there."
How stupid I was to believe going to another planet. I cared less about the earth.
I don't remember how much you never liked Diwali because the tiny cats and dogs in our backyard would cry sneakily. And you'd act happy for maintaining the auspicious vibes.
I do remember you closing my ears and putting my head on your shoulders to not let me hear those thunderous noises.
Since you've left me here on earth and went alone to the Jupiter, let me tell you that this land is wrecked as fuck Now. Smog has created a havoc in my lungs.
I sustained this.
But the dog we used to have is dead now. I buried him last night.
And while digging the coffin, all I took out was plastic.
I see many possibilities to come to you both, soon!
After all, I miss u.
P.S- may you and Louis not be celebrating a harmful Diwali there.
         

Relaborated

 

Posted on October 29.10.2020 by sachit Kumar Singh 

Sometimes our efforts will never be enough for someone. Sometimes our love for them will never be enough. Sometimes our care is not enough. Sometimes we are not just enough for them no matter how hard we try.

And you know what does that mean? They are not the right person for you. They are not the one who will spend the rest of your life with you. The one who truly loves you will never question your worth. The right person for you will appreciate all your love and efforts. The right person for you understands that you are not perfect, but will allow you to grow as a person.

When someone makes you feel unwanted, cut them off. You do not deserve to sleep every night questioning your worth. You do not deserve to feel like you are less of a person. You only deserve someone who treats you right. Someone who does not blame you for loving them real hard. Someone who equates the efforts you make.

Lost everything

 Aaj,aaj akele baithe khaana kha raha tha shanti se chup chap se,peiche se Pados ke ghar bacha roo ro raha tha uski awaaz aa rahi thi,phone saamne pada tha, balcony se ek do bikes gaadiyan guzar rahi thi uski awaazein aa rahi thi.

Laptop pe YouTube ka bas front page khula hua tha saamne rakha hua tha bas dekh nahi raha tha.

Upar pankha 3 pe chal raha tha,

Sab kuch ache se yaad hai mujhe.

Jab achanak se mujhe ek ajib si realisation Hui aur Mera sab kuch badal gaya...ki main kitna Akela hogya hoon,mere liye wo ek moment ek dum se ruk gaya.

Ab mere pass sirf chubhne wala sanataa tha!

Mujhe achanak se realise hua ki mere phone pe koi notifications nahi hai,kisi ke miscalls nahi hai.

Mujhe yaad hai wo time kaise doston k sath baith kar Hansi mazaak gaali dete hue khaana khaate the,kaise usse baat karne ke liye saamne laptop rakhta tha aur unhe phone karke kehta tha chalo sab sath me movie dekhe aaj tum apne laptop pe aur m apni,

You knw jb dusre sehar mein koi dost rehta hai toh usse group call krke bolte the sunn humlog tere plan pe aa rahe hai daaru tayaar rakhna.

Aaj,aaj sab kuch khatm hogya mujhe achanak se realise hua ki ab mere pass kuch bhi nahi hai,Ab mujhe sirf sanaata sunai de raha, akelapan dikhai de raha hai, Achanak se mujhe aise lagne laga hai ki ye kaise hua ye akelapan toh meri choice thi na,

I'm a private person and u knw social life m pasand nahi karta,ye...ye.....these are my choice of words

Aur ab achanak se mujhe ye saari baatein chubhne lagi hai!

Doston ke sath trips plan karta tha,abhi kahin niklne ka bhi mann nahi karta.

Kisi...kisi ko nahi padi hai wo time jab hum kisi dost ke ghar pe biryaani khaane jaate the,kisi dost ke dominating bf ka majak udaate the,sab kuch ekdum se kho gaya hai,dil bhara hua hai magar kisi ko bata nahi sakta.....kisi ko nahi samjha sakta ki kya hua hai mujhe.... mujhe khud nahi pata bas ye ek moment aaya, khaana khaate-khaate wo sanaata mujhe chubha aur mujhe realise hua ki yesab meri reality hai,Ab ye sab sach hai,ye jo ho raha hai,ye ho raha hai.

Ab main uth kar balcony ke baahar gaya aur mujhe kuch bhi nahi dikh raha tha,sirf andhera hai..... baith gaya mirror ke saamne Aur apni sakal mein changeup dekhne laga,ye sakal ek time pe sach mein Hasna jaanti thi Aur ab to fix smile bhi nahi aati y'all!

Kiske baare mein kis se back bitching karu,kiske gossip kiske sath karu,kiski ghar mein kya chal raha hai kaise pata karu,kiske bhaiya engaged kar rahe hai,kiski bhabhi Bibi expect kar rahi hai....

Mujhe..mujhe kuch bhi nahi pata hai, ek akelapan chubh raha hai....magar pata nahi ye kaise hua magar ho gaya aur,aur ab ye reality hai meri....

Pata nahi tha logo ki importance aise pata chalti hai...

Lgta tha sirf relationship mein dil tut-tate

Hain.. lagta tha ki humlog to zindagi bhar sath hi rahenge saale.... hahaha saala Galt lagta tha,bahut galat lgta tha....

Sab kuch kho diya aaj.

Dost bhi,Dosti bhi.

Kuch nahi kehna aaj.

If you've ever lost a friend or do you miss someone you once used to hangout with.

Bas himmat karo sur usko share ya tag karke bata dena ki haan tumhaari kami khalti hai!

#frindshipgoal#terayaarhoonmein