Late-night thoughts

------- ------ --------- --------- ------- -------- -------- ------

I know, it kills you from the inside seeing you couldn’t save that person from going away.

I know how that feels.

              

I know how it has changed you as a person who could’ve been the happier version of you that you once used to be.

I know the feeling of saying no to someone who says they love you and you denying them because you know you’re incapable of loving anyone at all.

I know you’re enjoying your ‘ME time’ but eventually realising you’re lonely and you’re okay with that.

                    

I know how you sit there with nothing to do yet pretend to be busy instead of attending those ‘friendly’ calls. 

I know, that you know what they’ll tell you if you share your emotions to them.

I know you don’t even care about what they might assume about you.

I know of people threaten going away if you don’t change for your own good, you hold their hands and show them the door.

Yeah yeah, the world is a better place when you have good people around you, they say, but then what if you decided to believe in this new existence of yours?

I know that feeling.

The aggression of wanting to be loved and to be left alone, I know the fight behind that pretentious smile.

The grudges you hold against the person who knew they could’ve saved you from that and the slight hint of thankfulness of the fact they actually didn’t.

I know.

I know you thought you are helpless and there’s nobody on this planet who will ever understand.

But I’m here to tell you,

I know.

#theimmaturestoryteller #love #life #latenightthoughts #nevergiveup #thankful #relationship #relatable #peace #peaceofmind #lonely #together #friends #goals #dontcare

Mother's day 2021 ❤️

 Dear Ma,

This is not just another post for you today.

This is,

For the one person who got up all night to make sure I study for my test I eventually failed.

To the woman who scribbled my marks from 23 to 42 just so I could be saved from my father's beatings.

To a super power who'd stay on a fast but serve food to the whole family without a glitch.

This is for the woman who won't sleep till I get back home no matter whatever be the reason.

The lady who's responsible for my haircut till I was 12!

The woman who'd freak out if my school uniform were still wet while I would get ready.

A super woman who'd know all my terrible secrets but pretend she didn't know anything..

Whose pictures from years ago make me imagine how did time pass away so fast..

But when she'd see those picturesX she'd have a beautiful smile remembering your childhood and your stories!

Who would hate it so much when I'd come complimenting food from some restaurant and she would go along with me to tell me the recipe and promise me that she'd make something way more awesome than that dish.

The woman who's caught my 'love letters' and heard rumours from my relatives who were on my Orkut profile!

Who'd never tell me if she was sick but would cry her eyes when I couldn't get up from bed because of sickness!

The kind soul who would cry and weep in person when I was a jerk and shouted on her and broke her heart.

Yet...she'd come and ask me to have my dinner.

Who'd call when you're living in a different city and just give you a hint how much she misses me but won't say it quite as much.

Who got called to my school and college for every shit I ever did and she'd just hear and look at me like.."iska kuch nahi ho sakta..ye hath se nikal gaya hai naalayak!"

Your constant calls after 9 o'clock are missed now that I'm away from you.

Your pampered taunts and lies about the morning alarm are missed.

Ma,

I'm sorry I was so stupid.

Sorry I yelled at you whenever I did.

It took a while for me to realise how I just am no one without you. No one.

To all the moms around,

No matter how distant or distracted we might come across as a generation..

There is no way our love and respect will ever fade!

Thank you for making us who we are today and for everything you gave up so that we could be able to understand the value and importance of what LOVE is.

To the most beautiful there ever existed.

To all the mothers, Yours and mine.

I bow down to them and pray from the bottom of my heart for their long healthy life!

It's because this day cannot be the only day meant for you.

It's because a lifetime of love and praises can't define who you are to me.

It's cuz I saw people who couldn't get another chance to tell their moms how much they miss her.

And I don't want me and people who read this to be one of them.

Tag or share this with your mom if she uses Facebook.

And Ma, if you're reading this, thank you!

# SkisHere

# ChangeLives

# MothersDay

Strongest maa

 It's Mother's ......

But I want to talk about us.

The children.

And I'll take a little bit of your time for the same.

I insist.

Yes, I get it..everyone's mom is the best mom and she's a blessing and all the statuses that follow as a trend in here..

But now I have concrete proof.

There's something that's been eating me up from the inside for a while now.

And today, when I tell you this,

It's not about any stranger..it's not anyone I met out of nowhere.

She's my own cousin aunt.

A lady who's seen me grow..

A mother of two and a widow of a handsome army officer.

Her name is Prem.

The name means 'Love'.

You'll get the irony in a moment.

As everyone's mother..she raised her son to make him a successful man.

The son wanted to start a business.

Wanted money..

Got the money from his father..

Invested; and lost all of it.

Wanted to try again.

The father supported.

Lost all the money in gambling.

Came back the third time.

The father, a brace heart army officer; denied.

He abused.

Left the house.

Father's ego stopped Uncle from stopping him.

But his mother?

She begged his son and his wife to come back home.

She convinced Uncle to help him.

The father took a loan of 50 lakh.

Helped him set up a factory.

The gambler lost everything again.

Yes, I know..it's crazy but then..this is what happened.

A total debt of 80 Lakh Rupees on uncle just to make his son stand on his feet, all wasted.

The brave heart couldn't take this pressure of humiliation and embarrassment.

Had a paralysis attack.

The mother silently accepted everything happening around.

Cried her eyes and supported her half dead husband and her son too.

Uncle passed away..of a heart attack(get the irony?)

And here's the reason I'm telling you the story:-

The son and his wife stole everything his father owned in the world and sold it.

Did a fraud with her mother and got her to sign all the properties and sold them too.

Sold away the house they stayed in and escaped without telling the mother.

All she was left with..were some broken utensils, some rough paper work and a harmonium. And a letter that were a rough plan made by uncle of how big his son would turn in future.

The son burnt away all the official papers of uncle that would prove he was in the army.

Threw away the insurance papers that could have saved the mother's future.

She was literally thrown away to live alone in a different city hiding from the people her son took loan from.

And the story doesn't stop here!

The son who technically killed his father lost this money too....and now it sounds funny to even consider how is that possible?

But that's what happened.

Her mother who by now..lost 37 kg of her weight, suffers from diabetes and high blood pressure get a call from her son that he's in danger and he needs some money to clear off some guys' debts.

Everyone in the family denied.

Ordered; stated; requested not to do him any more favours.

But she did.

Sold away the last of her property and gave him the money and believe me, she said this,

"BETA HAI NA..bhatak Gaya hai..toh Kya hua..hum toh maa hain..bete ke liye marr bhi jayenge."

I don't feel like telling anything else.

Lost her husband.

Her son.

Her home.

Her office, her only source of livelihood.

Went to a village to live where nobody knows her.

Her son did things that makes his own brothers sisters to kill him and end the pain everyone in the family has been going through...

But not his mom.

She wills to die for him..

She cannot see him in pain..

She wants to help him even when she literally has nothing to give to anyone.

I learnt the power a mother holds.

And I'm not sure if our generation..no matter how mature we may sound on our profiles, gets it.

She's the most insanely powerful thing we've been blessed with.

Someone who can overlook everything and still love you unconditionally..

It has be a god-like creature.

And this one's out to each and everyone's mother..and a message to everyone who reads this..I am not sure about you all but I hate myself for shouting at my mom..or being angry at her for calling me when I'm late or being up till I'm home...

And this Mother's Day..

I salute this power.

And I thank them for being the Angels they've always been.

And promise to respect her more than anyone in this world..and tell her that I love her.

To all the mothers and mothers to-be,

I respect you and I love you all!

# SkisHere

# ChangeLives

SSishere

It's been a while, I've been gone.

Thank you for the hundreds of messages I've been

receiving from people wishing my well being.

This is to let everyone know that

yes, time has been hard on me..with my health

issues..but then I happened to see some people

going through situations moe terrible than me.

And that made me believe in myself again.

It takes a lot of patience and peace to get healed

from whatever scars there have been in your life.

The two things I thought l'd never own.

Being called immaturely sensible, it took me a while

to figure out that how limitless bad times can make

you.

Where was I all this while?

I don't know.

Will I be back here like usual?

I sure hope so!

But Im here to let you guys know one thing.

Faith.

The one word that changes a person inside out.

No matter how bad things are

Maybe you feel suicidal! Maybe you feel like killing

someonhe?

Have faith.

Not in that instinct, but on the fact that things will be

fine.

You've not done anything bad.

It's the moment that makes you mad.

Breathe.

Let it pass.

And I promise you, it will.

So, why not take a chance on faith as well? Take a

chance on faith not religion, but faith. Not hope, but

faith. I don't believe in hope. Hope is a beggar. Hope

walks through the fire. Faith leaps over it.

And so will you.

Pause

My idea of a perfect weekend is to wear something outrageously comfortable, lie on my bed, listen to music and gaze at the pictures on my wall, the blue sky or tree tops through the window or flip through my song diary, and then drift into daydreams. For me, a day of indolence is a day of happiness! This is how I find inspiration, then I write a post, and voila!

Don’t you remember how beautiful it was to be a child and believe in everything? I honestly believed I would one day live in a huge Vila and wear really good looking trench coat, and that I could be everything I want. I also remember vividly how I slowly stopped believing and through tears came to a bitter realisation, which hurt like a bee sting, that the future is actually very limited and that I will probably never be as carefree again as I was that summer when I was ten and my evenings were spent trying playing hide and seek; a quest in which I happily succeeded once. These are my thoughts at the moment, and there is no answer because time cannot be returned, childhood cannot be relived, and also there are many beautiful things about now; the mountains, the sunrise, the river, have not lost their charm for me after all those years.

Now we just have to wish for friends with holidays on their calendar, or a paid holiday trip, or free beer…

or maybe a comfy bed, some great movies, a coffee, a guitar and a book will do!

Learning

 I Am Slowly Growing Into The Best Version Of Myself

I am slowly learning to distribute my love instead of holding back. I am giving out more compliments. I am reaching out to more friends. I am letting I love you and I miss you become a common part of my vocabulary. I am no longer letting my fear of looking overly attached or obsessive stop me from showing kindness, because my loved ones deserve to feel valued.

I am slowly learning to pay closer attention to the little things in life. Instead of counting down the days until my next vacation and neglecting the now, I am searching for tiny things to get excited about so that I am not always looking forward to tomorrow. I am trying my best to enjoy Monday through Thursday instead of eternally waiting to reach Friday. Instead of always wishing for something that hasn’t yet come.

I am slowly learning to be more appreciative of my surroundings. I am slowly learning to stop complaining as a default. I am slowly resisting my urges to whine about how cold I am or how tired I am or how stressed I am when I want to fill a silence. I am training my brain to search for the silver lining instead. To push the negatives to the back of my mind and keep the positives at the forefront.

I am slowly learning how to deal with my emotions in a nontoxic way. Instead of reaching for my phone to send angered rants that I am going to be embarrassed about as soon as I calm down, I force myself to breathe. To relax. To consider what I am going to say before I speak. Instead of reaching for a wineglass when I want to forget about my problems, I force myself to sit with my problems. Think about them. Deal with them while sober.

I am slowly learning to take better care of my mental health instead of letting my sanity rot. I am slowly learning to speak out when I have something to say instead of remaining silent to avoid conflict. I am slowly learning that my feelings deserve to be expressed, that my emotions deserve to be felt. I am slowly learning that my thoughts matter.

I am slowly learning to treat myself the way I treat those surrounding me. I have stopped bombarding myself with insults about my appearance. I have stopped comparing myself to everyone else and feeling like I come up short. I have stopped acting like I am a burden to those who love me. I have stopped punishing myself just for existing.

I am slowly growing into the best version of myself. A version that is happy. That is confident. That loves herself and her universe. I am bound to have missteps along the way to self-fulfillment, but I am determined to treat myself better. I am serious about pursuing personal growth. I am slowly going to become a version of myself that makes me feel like I am worth it.

Hey, Hi again! Happy Diwali

I don't remember your sound. Last time we celebrated diwali was years back I guess.
I do remember how you never liked the foul smell of the crackers,
And the smog in the air mixed with the scents of our cologne,
And the dogs under our car sobbing with fear and excruciating noises.
And not eating sweets of because of your diabetes.
I do remember how much you liked staying inside the home with me,
And holding me in your arms as hard as nails.
Whereas they were out,
Burning the crackers and making us scared more.
I do remember looking at you with little innocence in my eyes, asking stupid questions, "what if this destroys the earth. Where would we both go then? "
And you pinching my small nose with your soft colossal hands,
'This will definitely destroy us, within some years. We wouldn't be able to breathe then. We'd go to Jupiter and settle there."
How stupid I was to believe going to another planet. I cared less about the earth.
I don't remember how much you never liked Diwali because the tiny cats and dogs in our backyard would cry sneakily. And you'd act happy for maintaining the auspicious vibes.
I do remember you closing my ears and putting my head on your shoulders to not let me hear those thunderous noises.
Since you've left me here on earth and went alone to the Jupiter, let me tell you that this land is wrecked as fuck Now. Smog has created a havoc in my lungs.
I sustained this.
But the dog we used to have is dead now. I buried him last night.
And while digging the coffin, all I took out was plastic.
I see many possibilities to come to you both, soon!
After all, I miss u.
P.S- may you and Louis not be celebrating a harmful Diwali there.