Rhapsody of the heartbroken.
“If you’ve never loved and hated someone at the same time, you’ve never truly been in love.”
Sure, there’s much more to love than just feelings. But the emotions we experience in love make such a lasting effect. We become our true selves because of how we feel about people.
I hate when you won’t talk to me. I hate how cold you are to me. Sure, you say words, but the conversations are shallow. It feels like I’m speaking to your shadow — not your real self.
I want us to become one and the same. I want a partnership, a unit, a love. I’m not sure if you’re scared or just not ready (which I understand), but I need you to know how much I want and need this.
I’m trustworthy, but you don’t seem to believe it.
I know you’re not to blame, though. You’ve had it rough for quite some time now. You’ve suffered from failed relationships, heartbreak and abandonment by your friends. I’m incredibly sorry for that.
I know I may have made some mistakes in the past, but I love you. I’m here for you and will always be here for you. Trust me.
I love you the way someone is supposed to love someone.
You’re someone I will never fully let go of; you are a part of me. I couldn’t leave you if I wanted to.
I hate that you don’t care about me the way I wish you did, but I know one day you could.
It hurts. When I look at you or talk to you, I can tell you don’t care about me the way I care about you.
And though it hurts unlike any pain I’ve endured before, it’s okay. I understand you don’t love me.
But you could. Because it just wouldn’t make sense that someone who loves someone as deeply as I love you wouldn’t receive that love in return. It just can’t be.
I don’t love you like I’ve loved anyone else before; I love you the way someone is supposed to love someone.
I hate myself for loving you, because I know I deserve better than this.
How does one let go of someone who has become a part of them? Tell me where to cut the cord, and I will.
I hate myself for loving you, because I know I deserve better than this. I know I deserve the love I’m giving you.
Why can’t you be that person to me? Why can’t you let me love you? If you won’t let me love you, at least let me hate you completely. I can’t go on loving and hating you at the same time. The tension inside me is building, and I’m feeling like I’m about to implode.
But I know this will one day all work itself out. You will either love me, or I’ll find a way to survive without you. It won’t be easy. I’m not even sure it’s possible to ever completely let go of you, but I have to try.
I won’t let you be the end of me, because there’s a life out there waiting for me to live it. Just know that this could have been beautiful. We could have been beautiful together.
And it wasn’t me who ruined it. Not this time.
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